Get Rich Slowly

This is a guest post from Corrinne Fisher, who is transitioning from career woman to stay-at-home mom.

I stared down at the two pink stripes on the pregnancy test with the same feeling one has when they find themselves strapped into the front of a roller-coaster. Heart pounding, you start to wonder whether you really want to take this ride, but the decision has already been made. And as you climb to the top of the first giant drop, you realize that for better or for worse, there’s no turning back.

For us, this was something we wanted. We’d been married for several years, had found financial security, and had decided that it was time to expand our family. But once “trying” became “we are”, we had some major thinking to do. Planning our financial future was topmost on that list. We faced another challenge because we decided not to use daycare, but to have one of us stay home to raise our daughter.

I hope that by sharing our financial preparations with other expecting parents, we might help them develop a plan that will allow them the freedom to make the choices that suit their plans and values.

Start from a good financial perspective
By the grace of some very influential resources, we were able to start this baby savings plan from a place of financial security. Neither of us earns large salaries; however, we have learned some financial lessons that have helped us to talk and to plan for this major life change.

• From David Bach’s Smart Couples Finish Rich, we learned how to talk about our values and have them govern our spending decisions. This helped us establish a financial dialogue that is the foundation of our marriage and has bridged the gap between the spender and the saver.
• Dave Ramsey’s The Total Money Makeover taught us to eliminate debt and to shed the mentality that carrying debt was just the way it was. His book also helped us establish our goal of a fully-funded emergency account.
• The third resource was the Get Rich Slowly website and blog. This has helped me, in particular, learn tips and strategies to maintain a lifestyle to help us continue our path to financial security. I’ve obtained some good advice from parents that helped us to create a plan that will allow one of us to stay home with our baby.

Evaluate your current budget
What are your necessities and fixed expenses? Who makes what? Can you meet your fixed expenses and necessities with one salary? Our answer was “just barely”. If we eliminated travel to see family, fun money, and frivolous purchases, we could do it, but those are exactly the type of choices that would have us turning to credit cards. We needed find a way to supplement our single income with a little more money per month.

Identify expenses that can be cut if necessary, such as separate phone services and bills, the number of dinners out, or cable television. We found that between online viewing and Netflix, we are able to watch just about everything we would want. We go back to the values-based decision making. What is more important to us, having a parent at home or having access to some of these “perks”?

Calculate new insurance premiums into your fixed expenses
Make sure you have a good medical insurance plan, and anticipate the change in premiums when you move from a single plan to a family plan. Our premiums rose by a shocking $400 per month. Additionally, start looking at life insurance plans — it’s more important than ever now that three people are dependent on one wage-earner. Consider this when you are looking at your budget and your fixed expenses.

Create a new savings account
We opened a new account at ING Direct called “Baby IRA”. The money deposited there will be drawn in the leaner months, much like distributions on a retirement account. We have been contributing to that account twice a month when I receive my check. We have accumulated enough to supplement my husband’s income, permitting an occasional night out or a trip to see family.

Reduce dependency on one of your salaries
Since we had become accustomed to two salaries, it didn’t seem likely that we could stick to a plan where we could immediately sock away my salary. Instead, we took a graduated approach to savings, taking a greater sum from each of my checks each month until we have reached saving (almost) the whole sum of my check. In the last month, we allowed ourselves a little more flexibility to allow us to live it up during our last days as a twosome.

We’ve agreed that our emergency savings should not be used to support our new lifestyle, but should remain untouched until we have an emergency. That said, should my husband lose his job, we could survive a few months before we would be facing dire circumstances. This makes it easier to leave the security of that second salary.

Talk to your boss
As soon as I knew that we weren’t going to use daycare, I told my boss about the dilemma. Ideally, I would like to continue my relationship with my employer and earn some additional income, but I understand that my decision creates a hardship for the company. Luckily, we have agreed that I will take on a portion of my job and work as a consultant when I complete my unpaid maternity leave. Had this not been an option, I would have been working my network to see if I could find some project-based consulting that utilized my skills.

Please note, that consulting comes with its own expenses and needs to be budgeted and accounted for — not only for the day-to-day expenses, but also the taxes that will need to be estimated and saved.

Beg, borrow, and buy used
There’s no reason folks need to spend tons of money in anticipation of a baby — most of the stuff can be reused. We accepted a range of hand-me-downs from maternity clothes to all of the baby stuff. While we don’t always get the best or cutest baby accoutrements, we are happy to know that we have barely spent any money out of pocket for the items that we need.

Save gift cards for upcoming needs
We received a lot of gift cards. We have used a couple to buy necessities, but have saved the bulk of them for things we will need in the future from clothing to diapers to who knows what. These cards will help us to weather the changes to our budget that a new baby brings on.

Putting the plan into action
We welcomed our daughter Cecelia on August 4th, and have just recently sat down to reevaluate our budget and the increases in many of our expenses. It is going to be tight year, and I am sure we have some tough spending decisions ahead. However, we have a solid plan, an account to draw on saved especially for this purpose, and a plan to continue supplementing our income with additional work.

There is no guarantee that we won’t have financial struggles, but we are well on our way to feeling secure in our decision to have one of us stay home with the baby.

Roller-coaster photo by gaelenh. Photo of parents and baby by J.D., and is not a photo of Corrinne and her family.

“The value of proper car maintenance is priceless,” writes Liza Barth at the Consumer Reports auto blog. “Regular maintenance of your vehicle can save you money on vehicle repairs and keep it running smoothly for many years to come.” In particular, Barth encourages readers to keep on top of two easy (but critical) components of car care: oil changes and tire pressure.

Change your oil
The “quick lube” places want you to change your oil as often as possible, but the 3,000-mile oil change is essentially a scam (or marketing ploy, if you prefer). Frequent oil changes might be necessary if your car puts in heavy duty, but for many vehicles it’s okay to change the oil every 7,500 miles or six months (whichever comes first). Consult your owners manual for the recommended schedule for your car. (On my Focus, for example, Ford suggests replacing the oil every 5,000 miles.)

When I was younger, I’d change my own oil. Somehow I got out of that habit. Edmunds.com, in their guide on how to change your oil yourself, reminds us why this might be a good idea:

You’ll save roughly a hundred dollars a year doing this procedure on your own. Oh, and maybe another ten bucks or so when you say no to the guy at the quick-lube place trying to sell you a five dollar air filter for $14.95…If this doesn’t appeal to you, go to Jiffylube or Grease Monkey or your local quick-lube shop, shell out 30 bucks, and be done with it.

Clever Dude recently shared detailed instructions for how to change your car’s engine oil. If you’re more visual than verbal, this video from the Backyard Mechanics does a great job of going over how to change your own oil (once you get past the lame first minute):

Inflate your tires
It’s also important to keep your tires properly inflated.

• If tires are under-inflated, fuel economy and handling suffer.
• If tires are over-inflated, they’re more easily damaged, and the vehicle will experience a harsher ride. Overinflation also makes it difficult to stop under wet conditions.

To care for your tires, check the air pressure at regular intervals (once a month is good) when the tires are cold. (I drive mine to a nearby service station to make the check.) Check the tread depth, and look for other signs of wear. Finally, fill the tire to the pressure recommended in the owners manual (or on the doorjamb placard), not to the pressure listed on the side of the tire.

A well-maintained vehicle is not only safer, but costs less to run. As Benjamin Franklin is said to have observed, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. A little money spent now can prevent bigger expenses down the road.

In yesterday’s links roundup, I shared the story of Joe Ades, the gentleman grafter. Ades sells vegetable peelers on the streets of New York City by day, but goes home at night to a three-bedroom Park Avenue apartment. According to a 2006 Vanity Fair profile:

Then it’s out again for an early dinner in a style unheard of in London Labour. Six nights a week, accompanied by [his wife], he hits some of the biggest-name restaurants in town…He never has trouble getting a table.

GRS-reader Chris wrote, “I really enjoyed the piece about the “Gentleman Grafter” selling potato peelers. I always like hearing about interesting ways people have made a lot of money outside of the usual mainstream routes.” I do too.

Chris went further, though, and dug up a video of Ades on YouTube, and I found myself watching all the footage I could locate. (It’s amazing how many people have uploaded video of this guy.) I love his patter, which is exactly the same every single time. Ades has his pitch down to a science.

This four-minute video is my favorite because it shows people buying the peelers at the end of his spiel:

How can he make money selling vegetable peelers for five bucks a piece? He sells a lot of them. Ades may be the best salesman in the world. Who needs a $5 peeler? Yet he manages to convince several people every time he makes his pitch, and because of that, he earns a good living. (From this very small sample size of one, I’d guess Ades is making about $200/hour.)

Note: I never would have heard of this guy except that Jason Kottke posted about him yesterday.

I had a great time last night, and it only cost me eleven bucks. A friend asked if I wanted to join him to watch the Portland Timbers, our local minor-league soccer team. “Sure,” I said, though I wasn’t expecting much. We sat with the rowdy die-hards behind one goal, and I had a great time soaking up the enthusiasm and listening to their raunchy cheers and songs.

I’ll remember that evening more than I would if I’d spent $11 to see a movie! I feel like I got some real value for my money, which is what frugality is all about. Speaking of frugality:

“Follow your frugal bliss!” admonishes Carrie Kirby at Wise Bread. Don’t believe that you have to heed every frugal tip you read. Pick and choose the stuff that fits your personality and your lifestyle. Strive to save money whenever you can, but don’t make it a chore. (Kris and I love to grow our own food, for example, so we make that a priority.)

Meanwhile, CNN has a story about secret spending. Author Diane Mapes explores what happens when people keep their spending secret from their partners. This reminds me of our discussion earlier today about spending addiction.

At Zen Habits recently, guest poster Paul Michael asked, “Is our addiction to low prices destroying the real America?” Are we so focused on saving a buck at the grocery store that we’re putting the local produce stand out of business? Is it so important to us to save five cents a gallon on gasoline that we no longer go to the local service station? Does supporting local mom-and-pop operations even matter? Just how important is it to get the lowest price? Thought-provoking stuff.

Finally, here’s a 2006 profile of the gentleman grafter from Vanity Fair magazine. “By night, Joe Ades dines with his fourth wife at exclusive restaurants, sips Veuve Clicquot at the Pierre, and goes home to a three-bedroom Park Avenue apartment.” By day, he sells vegetable peelers on the streets of New York. How can you make any money selling something for a few bucks? “You sell a lot, that’s how.”

Nicki wants to get out of debt, but she can’t — she has a spending addiction. She’s hoping that other Get Rich Slowly readers can give her advice. Here’s an abridged version of her story:

I am writing for advice on managing debt. I’ve been reading your website for the past month because my boyfriend recommended it after he noticed I spend a lot of money. Here’s a summary of my debt:

• Visa: $9900 at 11%
• Mastercard: $10,000 at 11%
• Car loan: $4800 at 8.5%
• Student loans: $12,500 at 11% (I think)

I earn nearly $2800 a month after taxes, and my expenses total just over $1400, leaving me about $1300 to put towards my debt. I’m nearly 26. My goal is to be debt-free by the time I’m 30 years old. I want to start a family then, but cannot do so with so much debt. At this rate, I won’t even be able to get a mortgage.

My original plan was to pay off the Mastercard and to use the Visa only for emergencies. Unfortunately I spent money on clothes, shoes, etc. At the same time, I was moving and buying new furniture, and before I knew it I had two credit cards with $6000 debt. The closer I got to my credit limits, the higher they would be raised. Sadly, I kept spending. I truly believe I have a problem with spending and saving, similar to a drug addict.

I know what I am doing is harming my finances, but I just do not know to control myself. I lack discipline, and I do not know how to gain it. I’m not averse to working hard, and I always intend to follow my debt reduction plan — I just need help in maintaining focus and staying on track.

Do you have any advice for dealing with spending addiction? How can I attain the principles of frugality? I am desperate!

Nicki’s e-mail hit home for me. What she describes is exactly the same relationship I used to have with money. Last year, when I wrote about my own experiences with compulsive spending, I shared six tips that eventually helped me to overcome my problem. These may also be useful for her:

• Cut up your credit cards. Do it now, and don’t make excuses. If you’re a compulsive spender, getting rid of your credit cards trumps all other considerations. (Don’t cancel the accounts — just cut up the cards.)
• Only carry cash. Don’t carry a checkbook or a debit card. Your goal should be to make spending as inconvenient as possible.
• Track every penny you spend. Use Wesabe or Mint or Quicken or Microsoft Money. Use a notebook if you have to. Just write down where your money is going. You must learn to see the spending.
• Play mind games. Use the 30-day rule to control impulse shopping. Tax yourself. Develop tricks to circumvent your urge to splurge.
• Avoid temptation. Stay out of the mall. If you spend too much on knitting, keep away from the yarn store. Don’t set yourself up for failure.
• Ask for help. Seek support from your friends and family. Listen to them when they earn you about your behavior.

(For more detail on these techniques, read my six steps to curb compulsive spending.)

Overcoming addiction is not easy, but I believe Nicki can do it. Admitting she has a problem and asking for help are great first steps. As she gets her spending under control, I think Nicki will find it easier to get out of debt. In fact, she may be surprised at how addicting saving money can be.

Do you have any advice for Nicki? How can she cope with her spending addiction? What’s the best way for her to tackle her debts? How can she learn to be frugal?

The latest issue of Consumer Reports (October 2008) has an article about the new credit card jungle. The faltering economy and the ongoing mortgage crisis may be affecting your credit cards; issuers are raising rates, changing terms, and lowering credit limits. The magazine notes: “Now is an essential time to do a credit-card checkup to make sure your accounts haven’t changed for the worse.”

I like the idea of a credit-card checkup, but I don’t think it’s something you should do just once in a while. To avoid the dangers lurking in this credit card jungle, it’s important to foster a set of survival skills that will help you avoid danger spots before you blindly stumble upon them. Here are a few:

1. Learn to read the fine print. Read the legal stuff when you fill out the application, when you receive the card, and on any future mailings. Credit card terms and conditions can be confusing. This credit card glossary from Wells Fargo can help. If you don’t understand something, ask for help.
2. Similarly, review your statement every month. Due dates, fees, and interest rates are subject to change. Reconcile transactions and keep an eye out for fraud. Many people — and I’m one of them — actually check their statements online several times a month. By paying attention, you can prevent small annoyances from becoming large hassles.
3. As always, don’t be afraid to speak up. If you notice something strange on your bill, call customer service. If you want to dispute a charge, call customer service. If you want a rate reduction, call customer service. It never hurts to ask.
4. Be wary of the special offers your credit card company sends you. Understand the teaser rates. Beware offers to skip a payment. Be suspicious of other products the company tries to push: insurance, fraud protection, etc. Many of these are bad deals for consumers.
5. Finally, pay your bill on time and in full every month. If you are not yet in credit card debt, don’t start. Don’t rely on credit cards to support a lifestyle you cannot afford. Don’t resort to using a credit card because you can’t afford to pay cash for something — use a credit card because you can.

Remain vigilant against the scourge of credit card debt, the quicksand of personal finance. Credit cards are not a source of free money — don’t treat them as such. Credit cards are tools that allow you to use the money you already have in different, more efficient ways.

For example, I save 1% on my utilities by paying with my cash-back credit card. These are expenditures I’d make anyhow, but the card saves me money. (As a bonus, using the credit card helps with my quest for a paperless personal finance system.)

For more on this subject, check out these past Get Rich Slowly articles:

• Why I applied for a credit card (and why it’s not the end of the world)
• How those evil credit cards can be good for you
• A credit card is not an emergency fund
• Life without credit cards

What do you consider essential credit card skills? What sort of credit card basics do you think people should know?

Want to know a little more about me and my financial philosophy? Check out an interview I did recently with Carrie and Danielle. Carrie and Danielle are all about “style statements”, defining who you are in order to give your life clearer direction. In this interview, I discuss goals, wealth, and inspiration.

I also got to provide their daily question this morning: If you suddenly inherited $10,000, what would you do with it? My answer is very boring and very practical. What’s yours?

While you’re thinking about money, here are a few other stories from around the web:

First, many GRS readers (including my wife) disliked last week’s post about a few ways to raise cash quickly. The Frugal Wench did more than just complain, though — she came up with a list of realistic ways for real people to get cash fast. Her advice is grounded in reality and experience, and not just for those with big bank accounts.

No Credit Needed recently posted an illustrated guide to debt reduction. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. These diagrams describe visually just how the debt snowball (and similar methods) work.

Regular GRS commenter A. Dawn has been exploring the concept of outsourcing your life. He’s made a list of resources for those interested in hiring somebody to take care of certain parts of life. (I could really use someone to answer my e-mail, for example.)

Finally, Joe pointed me to the results of a recent Harvard study about indulgence and regret. This study, published in the Journal of Marketing Research is aimed at marketers needing to convince consumers to buy their luxury goods. But you can use this knowledge to avoid being duped. Or, ideally, to find balance between enjoying life now and enjoying life later.

It can seem impossible to get ahead when you’re earning minimum wage. The idea of an emergency fund is nice, but to save for one, you must have money left at the end of the month.

MarketWatch recently published a story about a San Francisco program that helps low-wage workers begin to save and develop better money skills. The Earned Asset Resource Nework (EARN for short) is a non-profit organization providing financial assistance and education to those who need it most.

EARN empowers people to escape poverty. From the organization’s mission statement: “EARN breaks the cycle of poverty by matching the savings of low-wage workers and helping them invest in assets that build wealth, creating a cycle of prosperity across generations. ”

The MarketWatch article provides a little more information:

Participants in EARN have a household income of about $18,000, on average, yet manage to put aside almost 5% of their income each month. The U.S. savings rate in 2007 was just 0.6%. For every dollar a participant saves up to $2,000, EARN pays $2. That means those who complete the program can walk away with as much as $6,000.

EARN doesn’t just give participants the money, though. To obtain the matching funds, savers must:

• Attend eight hours of financial workshops with topics like “Investing 101″ and “The Language of Money”.
• Save toward a specific goal (buying a house, paying for college, starting a business).
• Spend six hours in “asset-specific training” about their chosen savings goal.
• Occasionally attend additional workshops.

The attitudes of those interviewed for the MarketWatch piece are awesome. “It’s just a breakthrough, the frame of mind, in terms of poverty,” says one participant. “To be able to overlook the poverty, the fear and all that, and be able to say, ‘Yes, I can do it.‘”

It’s also encouraging that these savers continue to put money way even after they’ve finished the program.

Most of the personal-finance advice available in books, in magazines, and on the web is targeted at people in the vast middle class. There’s not a lot of help for those mired in poverty. (And economic mobility for these folks is difficult, even with a college education. Only 5% of those without a degree ever escape poverty.) I believe it’s important to acknowledge and to support those resources that provide tools for the poor.

When I wrote about micro-lending and the battle against world poverty, some readers wondered if there were similar programs for people in the United States. EARN isn’t exactly the same thing, but it’s close. This is a charity I will gladly support. (And I would love to hear about similar programs in other cities, states, and countries.)

[Thanks to GRS-reader Joyce for submitting this story idea!]

This is a guest post from Jim, my friend and colleague at Blueprint for Financial Prosperity.

When I bought a home three years ago, the economic climate was different from today. Back then, a house would could be listed on Friday and a contract signed by Monday. It was easy to get a loan (too easy, in fact) and you could make every mistake in the book and still find yourself a home.

Despite the market differences, sound financial planning and a handful of smart moves will ensure that you won’t regret grabbing your piece of the American dream. This post isn’t going to go over the merits of buying versus renting or how you should pick a real estate agent. Instead, I’ll focus on the things you should do to prepare yourself before applying for a loan and then buying a home.

Don’t borrow money
Your home will likely be the single largest debt you will take on and represents the greatest risk in the eyes of potential lenders. With lending rules tightening, it’s becoming more and more important that you make yourself look as safe as possible. Safe means as little debt as possible and as little access to credit as possible.

Don’t apply for any new credit cards. They could be offering some hot credit card offers of a hundred bucks to make one purchase or 0% balance transfer, but you must avoid it at all costs. That hundred dollars will cost you thousands, if not tens of thousands, over the life of your loan. Don’t buy a car. Don’t take advantage of 12-month 0% financing “same as cash” offers at Best Buy to get that new flatscreen HDTV you’ve been thinking of.

Don’t make any drastic changes
Don’t shuffle your funds around, don’t change your bank, and most of all don’t change your job. This won’t necessarily affect your credit score (some banks will do a hard credit check, which negatively affects your score) but it will give the lender headaches when they try to decipher all the moves you’ve made.

Making large transfers will bring up questions of fund origins. Is this really your money or did you receive it as a gift? Why are you opening up new accounts and shifting your money when you expect to spend it soon? Such moves will result in more questions for you to answer, which takes energy and will prolong the review process. It’s not necessarily bad — just a pain.

The only exception to the “not necessarily bad” is the part about changing jobs. Lenders like stability; stability equals low risk. If you’ve been working with a company for thirty years (or even five), chances are you’re going to work there for a while. If you’ve been working with a company for three months, there’s no saying how long you will work there. Maybe you have a falling out and are fired, maybe you can’t hold a job, maybe you’re perfectly fine and will have a successful career there. All those maybes make lenders nervous. Avoid changes if you can.

Play house
There are two crucial steps to “playing house” (financially). First, you need to correctly estimate your monthly payment. Remember that your monthly payment will include the mortgage, taxes, and homeowners insurance. You will also probably want to add a buffer for maintenance and repairs, as you likely will have both. In three years, my wife and I have spent at least $10,000 in repairs and improvements (windows, roof, carpeting).

Another bit of information to research is how the recent federal housing rescue bill or how local first time home-buyer assistance programs may apply to you. The federal housing rescue bill offers a 15-year zero interest $7500 loan in the form of a tax credit to new home buyers. In Maryland, first time home buyers get one half of the transfer tax waived, which can be up to 0.75% the sale price of the home. Both of those will play crucial roles in how you calculate your monthly payment.

The second step is actually playing by budgeting for the mortgage. If you are currently renting, deduct rent from your monthly mortgage payment, and transfer those funds to an account that offers high interest savings. A great place to put those funds is in a fund you designate for your downpayment. As the months pass, you will get a feel for how much you can comfortably afford rather than simply guessing.

This also serves another purpose: it will keep you within your house budget. The Realtor will likely want to show you homes that are outside of your price range. It’s always good to see what is a little above and a little below your range just to see what the difference in value is. By playing house, you have a more accurate feeling of how differences in the monthly payment will affect your lifestyle because you’ve lived it.

Sell or donate your junk
Two things will happen when you buy your house:

• You will be short on cash.
• You will have to move.

By selling some of your junk now, you get a little extra cash, which will likely go towards all the little things involved with a home, and you have less stuff to move. Your wallet will thank you for the former and your friends — whom you will have bribed with pizza and beer to help you move — will thank you for the latter.

Sell or donate anything and everything you honestly can’t see yourself ever using on your new home. Good stuff to purge includes:

• Old furniture
• Books (do you really need to keep your college textbooks?)
• Old clothes
• Electronics equipment
• Decorations and wall coverings

This will require a bit of intestinal fortitude and an honest assessment of your belongings. It’s difficult to sell or give away things with emotional value. That couch you’ve had since college or that poster you hauled all the way from home — they have emotional value. If you can think of a great place in your new home for it, keep it; if you really can’t (where will a ratty old couch go?), give it a new home.

Donation is a great solution if you’re on a time crunch because organizations like Goodwill or the Salvation Army will happily come and haul away your gently used items absolutely free (and you get a bigger tax deduction).

I hope this list of ideas has been helpful, these were some of the tricks I used when my wife and I bought our first home three years ago. Since then, it’s been a wonderful ride. Home ownership truly has been all it’s cracked up to be. You might be buying a house, but it truly becomes your home.

My mother has been out of the hospital for two weeks now. She’s home and recovering well. The past two Sundays, Kris and I have driven down to see her, and the three of us have spent part of the afternoon sorting through mom’s Stuff.

“Do you still want this?” I asked mom again and again, holding up an old computer printer, a plaque with a pithy saying, or a calendar from 1998.

“No,” she’d say, and sometimes we’d laugh. Who still needs their calendar from 1998? But not everything was funny. “It seems a shame to get rid of some of this,” she said as she sorted through her clothes. “They’re all still good.”

We’ve thrown away some of the Stuff (calendars from 1998, for example), but last Sunday Kris and I hauled a lot of it to Goodwill. We dropped off nine large garbage bags filled with clothing and a couple more containing books and gadgets.

The idea of having
When we got home, I spent some time alone, thinking. I sat in my office and looked at the bookshelves. I looked at the rows and rows of comics. It occurred to met that although I’ve gained control of my current and future spending, I still struggle with the past.

“Will I ever read these?” I wondered. “Or are they just clutter?” I remembered a conversation Kris and I had last week.

“You know why you can’t get rid of Stuff, don’t you?” Kris had asked.

“Because I want it,” I said.

“You think you want it,” she said. “You like the idea of having certain things, but you don’t actually use them. You’ve got dozens of books stacked in the guest room. They’ve been there since the last time you purged Stuff a year ago. Have you needed any of those books in that time?”

“No,” I said.

“That’s my point. You can’t bring yourself to get rid of them, yet you don’t use them, either. You don’t even really want them. So they sit there. You wouldn’t even notice if you got rid of them.”

Kris is right. It’s the idea of having that appeals to me. When I look through my stacks of books, it pains me to think of purging them. Yet it also pains me to have them cluttering my life, always within eyesight, taxing my mental energy. I like the idea of having them, but not the actual possessing.

Who we were or wished to be
After I told my friend Amy Jo about our clutter conversation last week, she shared her own thoughts. “We each have so many interests, and certain things — like books — keep us connected to those interests, or give us the illusion that they do,” she said.

“But they also clog up our lives and make us less efficient at doing what we are and what we want to do right now. It’s hard to let go of the things that we believe represent parts of ourselves, or we hope represent us. In many cases, these things represent who we were or wished to be at one time — not who we are right now.”

Looking around at my collection of comic books, I had to ask myself, “Is this who I am? Is this who I wish to be? Are these books a part of me?”

I didn’t have an answer, and I don’t have one now.

The purpose of money
I truly believe that by gaining control of my desire to have things, I can better control my personal finances. Many people struggle with lifestyle inflation — increased spending with increased income — which is nothing more than a battle with Stuff. This problem is common, even for those who don’t spend beyond their means.

I’ve become adept at preventing new Stuff from entering my life, but it’s difficult for me to part with the Stuff I already own. This is a very First World problem, and in a way it makes me feel guilty. We’re trained not to be wasteful. That’s not a bad thing, but I think it can prevent us from making smart decisions.

I also continue to struggle with sunk costs. I know that I spent $30 on this book, for example, or $20 on that pair of pants. It pains me to think of getting rid of them. It feels like throwing money away. And so I stack Stuff in piles and carry it to my workshop where it will sit, doing no good to anyone, for months or years.

There is nothing wrong with buying things that you will use and enjoy. That’s the purpose of money. If you’re spending less than you earn, meeting your needs, and saving or the future, it’s a wonderful thing to be able to afford the things that make life easier and more pleasurable. But when you purchase things based solely on the idea of having, I believe you’ve crossed the line from using money as a tool to becoming a tool for money.